


Tired Of Drowning In My Sorrow

by ImpulsivelyBlue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Supernatural
Genre: Bad Dumbledore, Bad Order of the Phoenix, Hell Hounds, M/M, Manipulative Dumbledore, Title from the song If I Had by Eminem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 10:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2265894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpulsivelyBlue/pseuds/ImpulsivelyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry could feel hot burning tears filling his eyes as he blinked, desperately tried to hold the tears back. He was stronger than this. He was stronger than these people, these self proclaimed order of 'light lords', and he would not allow them to see him weak, witnesses to his pain. </p>
<p>If he allowed himself to show his weakness then he would crumble and let these one time friends and allies have power over him. He choked on his words as he backed away from them, his thin arms wrapped around his even thinner frame as he seemed to try to hold himself together even as the pleading words slipped past his dry lips, begging and shaking in thinly controlled anger. </p>
<p>"Why can't you be happy for me? Does my happiness not count for anything? Why can't you just let me be happy, for once in my life, please?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tired Of Drowning In My Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song If I Had by Eminem.

\---

Harry could feel hot burning tears filling his eyes as he blinked, desperately tried to hold the tears back. He was stronger than this. He was stronger than these people, these self proclaimed order of 'light lords', and he would not allow them to see him weak, witnesses to his pain. 

If he allowed himself to show his weakness then he would crumble and let these one time friends and allies have power over him. He choked on his words as he backed away from them, his thin arms wrapped around his even thinner frame as he seemed to try to hold himself together even as the pleading words slipped past his dry lips, begging and shaking in thinly controlled anger. 

"Why can't you be happy for me? Does my happiness not count for anything? Why can't you just let me be happy, for once in my life, please?"

His eyes were no longer haunted by the loneliness of his earlier life with the Dursleys, nor were they a dull green of defeat as he allowed others to decide his fate and, as the headmaster had, manipulate his life to mirror a situation of their own choosing and satisfaction. 

His eyes were angry now, defiance shining in his eyes, giving him life again as he looked towards the gathered order of the phoenix. 

"Does it not count for happy if I'm not standing with you, pretending for you? Pretending for your own peace of mind rather than what I want? Can I not be happy unless I'm lying to myself for you, just so you can feel better about yourselves?"

Harry backed away as he spoke, voice raising the longer he questioned the order. When he did pause for breath, he gasped air in to his lungs desperately only to feel his throat burning from his shouting. He gasped in surprise when he noticed the shadows in the unused classroom the order had pulled him in to some time ago move, growing darker and more sinister. 

He let himself look sadly at the order as he began to calm and breathe more easily, arms reached from the shadows behind him, Harry only just seeing them out of the corner of his eye before they were wrapping themselves possessively around his waist as the king of hell stepped out of the shadows. 

The members of the order that had remained since they had forcefully brought him to Hogwarts backed away from the couple, some sliding so their backs were pushed against other members as they glanced around the room for any other threat. 

He could feel the demon behind him laugh mockingly at the order members who had were still backing away from the couple a few whispering reassurances to one another even as their minds filled with fear and their stomachs twisted uncomfortably with nerves. 

Dumbledore stepped forward in self assured confidence, his voice was cold and a mockery of kind emotion as he tried to reassure the other order members that Harry was simply having a 'little magical temper tantrum' and would be with them again soon enough. The headmaster was even arrogant, or stupid, enough to turn away from the demon and the wizard as if they were below any of his concern. 

The old wizard only turned back to them to continue his act as the kind light wizard he portrayed to the others around him, his voice was stern and disapproving as he glanced between the demons grip and the small green eyed wizard as he told Harry how wrong his happiness was if any happiness could be found in such an 'unforgiving and heartless creature, no barley even a creature, a monster such as the demon that stood behind him'. 

A growl from the shadows that seemed to be creeping in to the corners of the room and creeping around the people there stopped the old wizards words and silenced the murmurs of agreement that some of the braver, and stupider, members of the order had added. 

Harry watched as the others in the room looked around desperately as the growling seemed to grow louder and closer, he knew none of the order would see their deaths coming. He couldn't bring himself to pity the fools as he felt the king of hell press a firm and possessive kiss to the back of his neck, lips stretched in to what Harry was sure that if he had been looking at the demon, was a slightly crazed smile. 

"Why cant I be happy? Why couldn't you just let me be happy?" Harry whispered as the remaining order members began to panic and shout out random spells in to where they thought the growling was coming from, only making the hell hounds irritated. 

He felt Crowley pull him in to the shadows and allowed his own magic to take them far from Hogwarts, still wrapped together, as the first screams rang out through the silence his last words to the order had created. 

\---


End file.
